Prepare your ears for genius as Max and Terry search for a more talented, and less litigious Ross Kemp settling on the people’s actor Robson Green. Robson is mooted as the star of their action-packed, genre-crossing TV treat ‘Surf Doctor’, a show already described as ‘having one over Lovejoy.’ Dare to imagine a surfing-doctor-detective foiling the plot of an evil Leslie Grantham and his just-as-evil hypnotised sharks.

Bookings are now being taken for Max's lecture tour. Hear about a 78% surefire hit that never got past the pilot stage, Charity Begins in Hove. Max takes you behind the scenery (left over from another show) to give you a first hand insight into the creation of comedy gold.

How do you get the kids to stop all that stabbing and pull themselves off away from the internet? Max and Terry create a world of wonder, full of wondrous things in your actual olden days, in the shape of a classic drama serial for kids. Find out why Max and Terry feel obligated to Cilla Black, the going rate for Joe Pasquale and how to defeat evil moth creatures from another realm. And just who is Ted Monroe?

Alien shenanigans in the far-off future of 1998 are recalled by Terry. Find out how Gareth Hunt got the part as Space Agent John Granger, why Morty Vicker's double act 'Vicker and Tart' dissolved, and why you should use non-toxic glue in monster masks. All this and how clever use of an egg sandwich can help you get the best performance from your actors.

Crime! It's one hot spud of a topic. This week Max and Terry lament a lack of decent police procedurals on the telly and devise a surefire hit that'll get Parky reaching for his Sky+ box. Also find out why Max is miffed with the Chuckle Brothers, and why Terry isn't too chuffed with that fella from Eastenders (not Ross Kemp, the other one, he was in it years ago, you remember him don't you?). Where to buy drugs, what kids get up to in jail and what you'd never name a child - all covered in great detail and oh so much more.